


That First Day

by ByAStream



Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Canonical Character Death, Everyone Is Poly Because Avengers, F/F, F/M, Grief/Mourning, polyamorous avengers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-25
Updated: 2021-01-25
Packaged: 2021-03-17 06:53:51
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,898
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28970157
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ByAStream/pseuds/ByAStream
Summary: Grief shows itself in different ways.  In the wake of losing Tony and Natasha, the Avengers know they have to begin moving forward and begin answering the questions they'd rather leave unanswered.
Relationships: Avengers Team/Reader, Bruce Banner/Pepper Potts/Reader, James "Bucky" Barnes/Steve Rogers/Reader, Natasha Romanov/Reader, Pepper Potts/Reader, Tony Stark/Reader, Wanda Maximoff/Thor/Reader
Kudos: 30





	That First Day

**Author's Note:**

> I'm planning on this being two chapters. I felt like it was getting two long and that it was a logical break to split up the two days. I'm hoping to have the second half done later this week.
> 
> Find me on Tumblr: jbbarnesnnoble.tumblr.com

The sun was barely above the horizon as you made your way toward the tree in the clearing. A resting place for those who had no rest in life. A heaviness still clung to you, refusing to let go. The fog was lifting, creating a picturesque scene out of a painting. Your heart was heavy. It had only been a month since the battle, since losing Natasha, losing Tony. You thought for a moment you would lose Steve too. You may as well have, you thought bitterly. He holed up at his place in Brooklyn, only seeing Bucky and occasionally Sam, who had had to force his way into being accepted as a presence there. Your stubborn boys were looking out for each other, that was certain. 

Heaviness settled over you like a worn blanket you couldn’t part with. You wanted to, God, you desperately wanted the hurt to stop. If the previous five years with some of the team missing had been hard, it could never compare to the pain you felt now. At least then, there had been a hope, no matter how small, that maybe someday you would find a way to fix it. Scott Lang had appeared, setting in motion the events that would tear two parts of the whole away, forever. 

You had hoped, when Steve brought the stones back, that perhaps Natasha would return with him, that Tony’s sacrifice would at least see you reunited with her. You had nearly lost it on Strange when you realized he knew how the battle would end, the sacrifice that would be made. Bucky and Sam had both held you back as you had screamed at him. The sound of your heart breaking had pierced through them all. They felt it too. The feeling of loss refused to dissipate, and everyone was dealing with it in their own way. Some, better than others, you thought to yourself as you moved through the field. 

You approached the tree, sitting down in front of the two stones. It still stung, not having a body to bury, that Natasha’s body was somewhere on Vormir, not home, where she belonged. You traced the letters on both stones, a habit you had gotten into. The closest thing to touching either of them that you had. 

Silence covered the clearing, aside from the chirping of birds. You loved that sound, once upon a time, but now it felt like a mockery of the pain you felt. The team, once more fractured, broken in a way you weren’t sure time could fix. 

“I miss you, both of you. We haven’t been the same since. Not really. We’re splintered, scattered. We finally got them back, only to lose both of you. That’s not how this was supposed to happen. We were supposed to all be together again, finally mend what broke. How can we do that when you’re both gone? Things have been hard. It feels like everything is falling apart and I don’t know what to do. I don’t know what to do,” you said as your voice broke. 

You drew your knees close to your chest as you sobbed, broken words whispered in the early morning light. You thought about Natasha’s arms wrapped around you, holding you close and whispering that things would be okay. Tony holding you close and telling you it would work out, because it had to. You wished that they were there. 

The sun rose higher in the sky as you stood, retracing your steps back to the cabin where Pepper was sure to be making breakfast with Bruce watching over Morgan.

* * *

The clock on the wall ticked past seven. Bucky could hear Steve in the kitchen, back from his run. He had opted to sleep in, a rarity. The bed seemed colder than he remembered in the days since he returned. He and Steve had been sharing, but more often than not, Steve was gone before Bucky awoke. 

He had tentatively been invited into whatever it was the team had going on when he was in Wakanda. It had taken time. Tony had gone to visit him secretly. He had, after, still been a wanted man until after he was dusted. Tony Stark had been instrumental in clearing his name, in defending him. He never had the chance to really get to know the other man. It struck at him in a way he didn’t expect. 

He knew Steve was trying to isolate himself. Trying to blame himself for losing Natasha, losing Tony. Bucky was too stubborn to let him. Sam had the same idea and stopped by as often as he could. Bucky thought about you, how you’d been floating around. Last he’d heard, you were with Bruce and Pepper at the cabin. He knew you were struggling, but he trusted Bruce to watch over both you and Pepper. 

Bucky counted the seconds as he listened to Steve’s movements. He knew when he heard the clanking of coffee cups that it was time to get up and join him. As he got out of bed, he glanced at the photo sitting on the dresser. It was from before Thanos. The team had gathered in Wakanda. With half of the team still considered to be wanted criminals as the other half worked to clear their names, it was near impossible for them to meet up otherwise. You were squeezed between Bucky and Natasha, their arms slung around you. Tony was sitting happily leaning against Natasha with his feet over the side of the couch and his head in your lap. Sam and Wanda sat on the floor in front of the couch, with Pepper beside Wanda with Tony’s hand lazily linked with hers. Steve, Bruce, Clint, and Thor stood behind the couch, arms around each other. A small moment of happiness before everything shattered. Steve had taken to keeping the photo face down since he returned to Brooklyn. It surprised Bucky to see it upright. 

In the kitchen, Steve hummed to himself as he worked on breakfast. Bucky would be up soon and he knew Sam would be by. It was the first time since the battle that he felt almost okay. He spent longer than he would have liked staring at the photo when he woke up that morning. It hurt still, to see it and know that there were two missing pieces. But he knew. He knew that Natasha would probably kick his ass if he wallowed any longer. She would never want any of them to stop living. Tony wouldn’t have been far behind her. 

Steve smiled as he heard Bucky approach the kitchen. He plated the eggs and bacon just as the toast popped from the toaster. His heart didn’t clench like it had when he first returned to Brooklyn. The toaster had been a gift from Tony, specially made to make enough toast in one go for a super soldier’s appetite. It had been a gag gift, but Steve loved it, knowing that Tony made it because he cared about him. Sometimes, that was just how Tony showed his feelings, through little jokes that allowed him to deflect, but still showed he listened and he cared. Steve had made the joking comment about needing to buy more toasters a handful of times before Tony had given him that toaster as a joke. 

“How’d you sleep?” Steve asked, startling Bucky, who had been staring at him like he’d seen a ghost. And in some way, he had. He hadn’t seen Steve look happy since before he was snapped away. The aftermath of the battle had left them all heartbroken and regrouping as they dealt with the grief. Steve had rarely rested in the few weeks that had passed, a month that felt like a lifetime. 

“Good, Stevie, real good,” Bucky said as he took a seat. Steve set the plate down in front of him, before giving him a gentle kiss, another first since that day. Steve had been so closed off, Bucky had been at a loss of what to do. It was progress as Steve settled in to eat beside him, for once, the silence wasn’t painful as they ate. Bucky’s thoughts drifted to the rest of the team, what the others were up to, how they were doing. He checked in daily, but nothing could ever beat having everyone in one place. 

As they cleaned up after breakfast, Steve gazed out the window above the sink, a soft smile gracing his face as he saw a cardinal land on a tree branch.

* * *

The sun was barely over the horizon as Clint made his way back to the house. He had snuck out early, heading to where he had targets set up. He needed to take his mind off everything. After Tony’s funeral and the service they held for Natasha, Clint had headed back to the farm. Laura knew what the team meant to him, the relationship they shared. In her own way, she was part of it. Clint lost track of the nights they spent with Natasha, who for the longest time, had been the only one to know Laura. He chuckled as he remembered the look of fury on Steve’s face when he had brought them to the farm. Steve had thought Laura had been unaware, until he saw the chaste kiss she placed on Natasha’s lips when the redhead had approached her. 

Clint remembered when Tony hit on her, only to be turned down when his wife said two Avengers was enough for her. Tony had been shocked before he laughed, the first true moment of levity since Ultron had been unleashed. Even still, he knew the two had formed a strong friendship. Tony had ensured the security of the farm from that day on, something Clint never had the chance to thank him for, not really. The mess with the Accords happened, the team felt like it was fractured and frayed, their relationship even more so. It wasn’t until the trip to Wakanda that everything had felt right again. 

Laura watched as her husband moved around the house, putting his equipment away and out of reach of the children as she cleaned up the mess from breakfast. Clint’s plate sat waiting for him. She knew it was time to have the talk they had been avoiding. 

“Tell me something, anything you want,” Laura said as Clint finished his breakfast. He let out a sigh, bracing himself for the conversation he knew was long past due. 

“It should have been me,” Clint replied, his voice shaking. 

“And if it had been?” Laura asked. 

“Nat would be here. She would’ve helped take care of you, the kids. She’d have her life. She could do anything,” Clint said, his voice breaking. Laura didn’t think he’d open up that fast. The fact that he had told her a lot. He had been thinking about it for a while. Laura pulled him to her chest as he spoke, running her hand along the nape of his neck and down his back in comfort. The children would be occupied for a while, that much she knew. She had planned for this talk, knowing that one day more would simply be one day too long. 

“I miss her,” Clint whispered.

“I know. I do too,” Laura replied. It was late in the afternoon by the time the Bartons were done talking. Clint’s guilt. Their memories. And the team.

“She’s with Pepper and Bruce. Hasn’t left the cabin or the compound much since the funeral. Pep says she visits the headstones every day at dawn. Makes her calls. She’s not happy about having to head to DC tomorrow,” Clint said when she asked about you. Laura sighed. You were the last on the list she needed an update on. Time apart wasn’t going to help any of you, she thought. She knew who she had to call. 

* * *

Pepper saw you making your way up the path as she flipped a pancake on to the plate. Bruce was in the yard with Morgan, keeping the young girl occupied. She saw a text from Laura Barton on her phone. Pepper knew she was planning on talking to Clint. She still hadn’t had luck with getting you to open up. You would read Morgan a bedtime story some nights and then head to your own room. You spent time with Pepper, sure, but you were withdrawn. You made the same trek each morning. Occasionally, you’d head to the compound to check in on Wanda. You were carrying the weight of everyone’s hurt on your shoulders. 

“The princess requests her breakfast, your majesty,” Bruce proclaimed as he entered the cabin with Morgan on his back. It had taken time to get used to seeing him in Hulk form. He set Morgan down and she made a beeline for the table, sitting down. She called your name as she saw you enter the cabin. You chuckled as you sat down across from her. Bruce took the bench seat before Pepper sat at the head of the table. Morgan chattered excitedly as the three of you listened to her, giving her your undivided attention. You helped clean up before heading down to the water with Bruce and Morgan. Pepper insisted she would be fine, that she had work to get done. It was a half truth. She locked herself away in her office, replying to some emails as she waited. 

It was a quarter to three when her phone lit up, Laura Barton’s name on the caller ID as she hit accept. 

* * *

Wanda clanced around the area. By some miracle, the rooms of most of the team were still intact, Natasha’s included. No one had entered yet. It was off limits to the cleanup crew. She had avoided it, opting instead to take inventory of every other room and pack things away to move into storage while the rebuild happened. Natasha’s was last on the list. 

She knew you would be up soon. You usually spent the mornings with Pepper and Morgan before heading to the main building to help her with packing up rooms and having things moved into storage. She hesitated at the door. Packing up Natasha’s room was something she wasn’t sure she could ever be ready for. 

She slowly opened the door. The room itself still looked immaculate. Some clothing lay discarded across the back of her desk chair. Wanda made her way over to the chair and picked up the shirt. She recognized it as one of Nat’s favorites. Before the Accords, the three of you had been on a mission together. Waiting for a pickup in Ireland, the three of you caught a concert at the Abbey Theatre in Dublin. She had almost forgotten about it until seeing the shirt. She pulled it to her face and inhaled. She could still smell Natasha. She felt tears sting her eyes as she moved toward the bed and sat down before she curled up on the bed. It too still smelled of Natasha. 

It was how you found her, curled in a ball in the middle of what was once Natasha’s bed. You had run into Thor when you arrived. After the funeral, he had returned to New Asgard for a time. You hadn’t expected him back, not yet. You knew he was coming back to the States for the Capitol Hill hearings that were due to begin the next morning. You had figured he would head to DC first. 

“Got room for two more?” you asked, startling Wanda. She sat up, simply nodding. You and Thor each took a side, sandwiching her between the two of you. She placed her head on Thor’s chest as you wrapped your arms around her, holding her close as she cried, both you and Thor whispering quiet words of reassurance. 

You left the two of them when she fell asleep, heading to the still standing kitchen to make a simple dinner. You kept the basics in there, knowing that if you didn’t cook dinner or order in, sometimes Wanda would forget as she packed away the belongings of the others. Packing was a job no one wanted to do, but that had to be done. As you cooked, you shot off a text to Sam.

**_You: Leaving with Steve around 10 tonight. Taking a quinjet. Can’t believe we still have one left_ **

**_Sam <3: Call when you get in? I’m staying at my old place tonight. I’ll meet you two in the morning. I’m getting an early start on my run tomorrow morning._ **

**_You: Want company?_ **

**_Sam <3: You don’t have to_ **

You knew what that meant. You and Steve would find him somewhere along his usual route. You would leave him to his thoughts for a while before you did. You went back and forth with him as you cooked. 

“Smells good,” you heard Wanda say from the entryway.

“Better hurry before Thor comes in,” you joked. She looked more relaxed than she had in awhile. You suspected she had been holding in her feelings since the funeral. Thor soon joined the two of you and the three of you spent the meal reminiscing. For the first time in a long time, you didn’t feel like you were about to break at the mention of Tony or Natasha.


End file.
